感謝李泉盒同學的翻譯

李泉盒譯註:

1、 人物姓名未定;

2、  文中黃色標註部分稍感不妥,請大家討論

3、 歡迎拍磚,MSN:leonycl@gmail.com QQ:8348326


張小盒的:

Xiaohe “BOXIE” Chang:


1:大家好,我是張小盒,我擅長加班,不擅長追女孩,不擅長討好老闆

   Hi, everyone. I’m Xiaohe “BOXIE” Chang. I’m good at working extra hours, but suck in chasing girls and kissing my boss’ ass.


2:鬧鐘不響,馬路不通,電梯不入,世界都不正常時,打卡機總是正常的.   Clocks not working, roads jammed, elevators stuck—nothing ever works, yet card punchers work perfectly. (BOXIE)


3;加薪引導人民。(張小盒)

   A salary raise is our best leader. (BOXIE)


4:這是一個不用加班的周末,那就把生命浪費在無所事事上吧。(張小盒)

   I don’t have to work this weekend, so I can happily waste my time by doing nothing. (BOXIE)


5:馬拉是被人刺死,而我是過勞死的。(張小盒)

   Marat was stabbed to death, and I’m worked to death. (BOXIE)


6:加班的蟲子,天天一樣被鳥吃。(張小盒)

   If worms work extra hours, they are working to get caught by birds. (BOXIE)


7:別惹女人。(張小盒)

   Don’t mess with women. (BOXIE)


8:人是否幸福,在於網絡是否不正常。(張小盒在MSN無法登錄時深感幸福)

   A man’s happiness depends on whether internet works. (Boxie is the happiest when MSN won’t log in.)


9:如果不是小布悉逼我加班,你們能天天看見我站在這嗎!(張小盒扮成自由女神)

   If it weren’t Bush to keep me working extra hours, could you ever see me standing here every day?! (Boxie as Statue of Liberty)


10:警告你,我們打工仔可不是好欺負的!(張小盒)

   I warn you: don’t ever try to bully us bread earners! (BOXIE)


11:凡是資本家都是紙老虎。(張小盒的井陽崗)

   Every capitalist is merely a paper tiger. (Boxie on Jingyang Ridge)


12:如果我們是超人,就打倒老闆,再找一份工作。(張小盒)

   If we were supermen, we’d beat our boss and then find another job. (BOXIE)


13:如果公司倒BI了,我們什麽事都幹得出來!(眾人)

   If our company is f**ked up, we’ll do anything, ANYTHING! (Everyone)


14:員工和老闆團結起來,會像葫蘆兄弟一樣神通廣大。(張小盒)

   All staffs stick together with the boss, and become mighty all-mighty. (BOXIE)


15:沒錢是痛苦的,為了賺錢變成VC高,會不會更痛苦呢?(張小盒)

   It’s painful to be broke, but will it be more painful if I become VC Gao for making more money? (BOXIE)

 莉莉盒的:

Lily Box:


16:相了3次親,對男人有了更深了解。(莉莉盒談春節怎麽過的)

    3 blind dates, I came to understand men more thoroughly. (Lily talking about her Spring Festival.)


17:我只想做一顆糖。(莉莉盒的三八婦女節)

    I wanna be a sugar baby. (Lily on Women’s Day)


18:莉莉盒對男人的看法

    Lily Box’s perspective on men


小的時候,莉莉盒認為潘金蓮是個壞女人,西門慶是個壞人。長大以後,莉莉盒認為潘金蓮不一定是壞女人,西門慶依然是個壞人。莉莉盒總結了一下,男人分三種類型:要麽是西門慶,要麽是武松,要麽武大郎,莉莉盒還沒決定應該嫁給誰……

In her childhood, Lily thought that Pan Jin Lian was a bad woman, and Xi Men Qing was a bad man. After becoming an adult, Lily thinks that Pan Jin Lian might not be so bad, yet Xi Men Qing is still a bad man. The way Lily looks, there are three types of men: Xi Men Qing, Wu Song, or Wu Da Lang—Lily hasn’t decided to which one she should marry…


19:莉莉盒的愛情暢想

    Lily Box’s expectations on love


莉莉盒想找一個浪漫的男人做男朋友,又想找一個踏實的男人過日子。

Lily wants a romantic man for boyfriend, and an honest man to live with.


和浪漫的男人去度假一定不會悶,莉莉盒很怕悶的,而且浪漫的男人會讓自己覺得青春不會白白過去,希望他能懂得音樂、繪畫,要風趣,能逗莉莉盒笑,如果會寫幾首詩也挺好,衣著要比較出眾,不一定要貴,但是要有些品味。莉莉盒覺得自己能夠配得上一個浪漫的男人,而周圍的男人都不夠浪漫

A vacation with a romantic man won’t be boring—Lily doesn’t want to be bored. Besides, a romantic man will make her days well spent. The romantic man should know something about music, painting, and should be funny enough to keep Lily happy. Writing poems once in a while will be great; his look shall be outstanding; clothes don’t need to be all expensive ones, but a good taste is a must. Lily Box thinks she deserves a romantic man, but no man she knows is romantic enough.


但是,找個踏實的男人會更可靠些,至少不會騙自己,莉莉盒想,如果被一個不踏實的男人給騙了,豈不是更加浪費了青春?如果是一個踏實的男人,應該會煮飯,有愛心,懂得體貼,自己發脾氣的時候不會離開。說不一定談著談著,就結婚了,結婚也沒什麽不好,這樣的男人肯定會更體貼的,而不象有些人結了婚反而心淡了。還會愛孩子,戀家,這樣也很好啊

其實,在莉莉盒心裏最底最底,不好意思說出來的是,她想嫁個有錢人……

But an honest man is more reliable, at least he won’t cheat. The way Lily looks, if she got cheated by a dishonest man, her days would’ve been wasted, right? An honest man should know how to cook, be considerate and care for her enough that he won’t leave when she’s being unreasonable. Some days later maybe he will marry her; marriage isn’t that bad, and such a man will care for her more in a marriage, instead of getting bored of her like some guys. Such a man will also love kids and stay at home all the time—that would be great. Actually, at the bottom of Lily’s heart, which she finds embarrassing, is her expectation to marry a rich man…


20:每個愛漂亮的女人背後都有一個受傷的男人。(莉莉盒的景陽崗)

There is always a man suffering behind the back of a woman who keeps a good look. (Lily on Jingyang Ridge)


VC高的

VC Gao:


21:再加把勁,再拉多15米這個月就不用扣工資了!(VC高)

    C’mon, another 15m and no salary deduction this month! (VC Gao)

22:為民除害,然後修高爾夫球場!(VC高的景陽崗)

    Kill the bad guy, and build a golf course! (VC Gao on Jingyang Ridge)

23:尿不出,不許取笑我, 這是我勤奮多年的一點後遺癥而已。(VC高)

    I can’t pee—don’t’ you laugh at me, it’s just a side effect from years of hard work. (VC Gao)

24:根據公司規定, 拿了薪水的員工,不得擁有署名權。(VC高)

    As per company regulation, any paid employee won’t have the right of authorship. (VC Gao)


25:錢是好東西,省著點花。(VC高)

    Money is good, keep it in your pocket. (VC Gao)


26:盒飯加肉

    Fast food with meat


生活不就是為了多幾塊肉吃!由於公司員工對盒飯的意見很大,VC高最近改進了員工的夥食,在成本不變的前提下,有效增加了食物的數量。VC高真是個好老闆,VC高自己這麽覺得,……盡管他發現肉小了很多

Life is all about getting more slices of meat! Since our employees complained a lot on fast foods, VC Gao improved our meals recently by efficiently increasing the amount of food without adding cost. VC Gao is a good boss, VC Gao said to himself…though he finds the slices of meat are much much smaller.


黃阿狗的

Huang Doggie

27:站著就能睡覺,是睡覺的最高境界。(黃阿狗)

    Stand and sleep—the master of sleeping. (Huang Doggie)


28:天下的VC高一般黑。(黃阿狗)

    Every VC Gao is deceitful. (Huang Doggie)


29:公司都快成夜總會了,夜晚總是要開會。(黃阿狗)

    Our company is turning into a night club, a club that holds meetings at night. (Huang Doggie)


30:有位高薪水的女人因找不到適合的男人差點跳樓?她只要把薪水分給我就不用跳樓了。(黃阿狗)

    A high-salary woman tried to jump off a building, just because she can’t find her Mr. Right? She wouldn’t need to jump, just share her salary with me. (Huang Doggie)


31:花錢多掙錢少,加班多加薪少,真是無顏見江東美女啊。

    I spend more money than I can make, and my work is harder than the salary can rise, how can I ever return to my ladies back home.


——黃阿狗絕筆(出演《霸王別姬》時)

–Huang Doggie’s last words (in Farewell My Concubines)


其他的

Misc


32:上班族每天認真工作不超過三小時,其余時間是在為互聯網貢獻流量。

    Office workers work with full strength for no more than 3 hours a day, and the remaining time they’re making contributions by increasing Internet flow.


33:幻想是辦公室不可缺少的春藥。

    Fantasy is a necessary Viagra in an office.


34:歡迎來到西方極樂世界,門票就是把頭用力撞向墻壁。

    Welcome to heaven, please buy your ticket by punching your head against the wall.


35:辦公室最容易流行的,是流行病。(辦公室太容易傳染疾病了)

    The most popular thing in an office is epidemic. (Illness spreads too easily in offices)


36:世界睡眠日是上班族最重要的節日。

    The International Sleeping Day is the most important holiday for office workers.


37:大海航行靠老闆,萬物生長靠美眉 ,幹革命靠的是員工們瞪大眼睛流著血汗……

    Sailing relies on boss, life growth relies on pretty ladies, and business growth relies on workers who keep eyes wide open, sweating and bleeding…


38:不想做白領,就做憤青吧

    Become a white-collar or become a cynic.


上班族上班, 是為了做白領,做職業經理人,做老闆。如果不想做白領,可以不上班。

Office workers work to be white-collars, professional managers, or bosses. If you don’t wanna be white-collar, you don’t need to work.


不上班可以做什麽? 在沒有錢的情況下?沒有錢,又不想上班,又有文化,那就是憤青了。

What can you do if you don’t work? And you are broke? No money, no work, and you are educated, well, you are a qualified cynic.

39:如果不上班,我們能做什麽?

    What can we do if we don’t work?


可以去旅遊,可以哪都不去,可以玩遊戲,可以發發呆,可以吃,可以喝,可以玩,可以交朋友結友,可以看書,可以聽音樂,可以看電影,可以爬雪山,可以睡草地,可以罵人,可以愛人,可以做愛,可以做飯,可以做菜,可以憤世,可以犬馬,可以……

We can go anywhere, or go nowhere; we can play pc games, stay in a daze, or eat, drink, play, make friends, read, listen to music, watch movies, climb snow mountains, sleep on lawn, get in love with someone, make love to someone, cook something, make some meals, be a cynic, keep busy, etcetera, etcetera…


但是,無論做什麽事,都很快會膩的,只有上班和加班,因為有VC高的督促,有扣錢,有獎金,有辦公室政治,有做不完的事,所以,沒法膩……

Anything we do, however, will soon get us bored. Only work and work extra hours, with supervision from VC Gao, salary deduction, bonus and with office politics and business that can never be done, will never get us bored…


40:中午吃什麽?

    What’s for lunch?


哈姆雷特說:“To be, or not to be,這是個問題。” 哈利波特說:“伏地魔在哪?這是個問題。”

我們上班族每天都在問自己:“中午吃什麽?” 這才是最TNND的讓人討厭的問題

Hamlet: “To be or not to be, that’s a question.”

Hari Potter: “Where is Voldemort? That’s a question.”

We office workers ask to ourselves everyday: “What’s for lunch?” that’s the most f**king annoying question.


41:為什麽世界是方的?因為地球是方的。為什麽地球是方,因為我們生活在盒子裏。

    Why the world is a square? Because the earth is a square. Why the earth is a square—because we live in boxes.


42:辦公樓是盒子,辦公室也是盒子,家也是盒子,車、電梯、文件、桌子、椅子、書等一切一切都是盒子,一個盒子套著一個盒子。因為,每個人都在一個又一個盒子裏生存,移動,所以,人也是盒子。

    Office buildings are boxes, offices are boxes, houses are boxes, cars, elevators, files, chairs, books and everything out of everything are boxes, and boxes out of boxes. Since everyone lives and moves in and around boxes, we are also boxes.


貼上兩個盒子頭像,盒盒!

酷MANa酷MANb酷盒
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